Trevor Romain Foundation supports grieving children

Clarence Giles

Monitor Staff

“There were five or six children on every bed in this South African field hospital, where I worked. Flies were all around their mouths. It was really hot. Sergeant major and I walked down the aisle. A little African boy, about 5 years old, put out his hand to me. He said, ‘Can you help me, sir? Please, sir, can you hold me tight?’” 

Those were the words of one of the nameless and countless casualties of children who suffer the consequences of recent African civil wars.

“The sergeant major saw what was happening; pulled me away and said, ‘We can’t get emotionally involved. There are too many of them. This is God’s way of leveling the playing field.’ 

“I looked at this man with those steely, uncaring eyes. I turned and looked at the little boy again. And he repeated: ‘… can you hold me tight?’”

That was the beginning of a journey that would take Romain, founder of the 5-year-old Austin, Texas, based Trevor Romain Foundation, close to 12 years to achieve.

It took him several years to reach his goal, earning a degree in psychology, several years writing children’s books and a final stint in advertising. 

He continued hearing the whispers of the little boy’s pleas. That journey led to formation of the Trevor Romain Foundation. 

The foundation was first organized in 2005. In 2007, the foundation received its first major donation and was established as a fiscal sponsorship fund of the Austin Community Foundation, in Austin. 

They celebrated the official launch of the organization in February 2008. 

The foundation creates and produces a series of comfort kits customized to meet children’s specific needs, whether it’s loss of a loved one, a family member deployed in the military, or a child recently diagnosed with cancer. The kits are developed to include resources both educational and comforting for grieving and suffering children.

In general, comfort kits include topic-specific DVDs, informative booklets, a journal for self expression, a keepsake box and “Coco,” a plush toy mouse that represents Romain’s “Comfort Crew.”

As recently as 2009, the foundation created and distributed their grief comfort kits, a set of resources that help children cope with the loss of a family member. Thousands of kits have been given to children of fallen U.S. servicemembers.

A hurtful experience that Rhonda Englander, co-founder of the Trevor Romain Foundation, shares on grieving: She lost her father when she was 3 years old; however, she didn’t know about his death until she was 10. 

“I was in an environment when and where people just didn’t talk about it. I remember when I became aware of my father’s death,” said the 44-year-old Englander, who also serves as executive director of the foundation. “I had a lot of questions. But, it wasn’t talked about. I had to learn how to grieve for my dad.”

Her father, a warrant officer in the Army, served in Vietnam and lost his life in an aircraft accident. 

“He was killed in a crash under severe weather conditions,” she said. “Having an open heart about what happened to him helped me not be afraid of learning what happened to him.

“Grief is a life-long process. And I will always miss my dad and not knowing about him. It helps me be closer to him and keep his memory alive,” said Englander. 

“I have a daughter 15 and a son 12, having the information on how to grieve has helped me be a better mom. Also, being able to communicate, have that dialogue and not being afraid to ask about whatever is going on in your life, whether it’s grief, fear of something else, also helps. It’s truly a rewarding experience, going around and meeting the families.”

The program is without a doubt rewarding for Romain, too.

“Our first project was a grief comfort kit for children who have lost a loved one. It was one of the first projects. They also moved in to helping upper-grade school-age children, said Romain. “But, something happened in my soul that day,” said Romain, recalling his military days. “The sergeant major walked out. I turned around, and as I reached down to pick up this little boy, I realized he had no legs.

“They had been blown off in a land mine explosion,” continued Romain. “I picked up this little child. He put his arms around me. I’ve never been held so tightly in my life. He put his head against my neck, and started to cry. His tears ran down inside my shirt. It touched my heart. 

“That’s when I said to myself, ‘I know what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to work with kids. I want to help kids.” 

For more information visit www.trevorromainfoundation.org.